coming together

Things are coming together.
Little pieces of the whole are slowly re uniting.
Iv wanted to do the baby signing thing for a while, even just to know it for when i have my own children.
its so cute to see, little kids telling you what they want, by signing it to you.
ive watched a load of videos on YouTube, and it just makes me so happy to see them, realise they are understood, that even before they can articulate sounds and words, they can sign there needs and wants : More milk, or hungry .
Rather than just having to play the guessing game, as to what is troubling your little one, hungry, tired, thirsty, bored?, they learn how to express what they want easier with a sign.
So in essence, as children naturally pick up the words anyway, this just assists that learning, by incorparating another means of expression. When learning, by seeing an object say a ball so it has mass and they see the ball, they hear you say ball, so it has memory through sound, and so adding a shape with your hand encompasses extra scope to be remembered.

No one ever thinks in the same way as another person, but there are basic catograies that everyone falls into, depending on there natural learning style. There are 4 main styles
spatial visual, kinetic or movement, language-oriented, and logical/analytical.

Spatial visual learner : needs and likes to visualise things, fascinated with anything machine, loves to look at maps and drawings, puzzles and mazes.

Kinetic learner : processes knowledge through physical sensations, finds it hard to keep still and is good at mimicking others. Likes to show you rather than tell you, and often communicates with gestures and body language.

Language Orientated leaner: thinks in words, and verbalises concepts, good at spelling, and likes to play with tape recorders and making up stories, and takes to themselves.

Logical Learner: Thinks conceptually, likes to explore patterns and relationships; enjoys puzzles and seeing how things work; constantly questions and wonders; creates very own designs in blocks, good at sums.


so you see for each learning style, signing can help with each one, so this means for each child, it just serves to enhance whichever learning style they happen to be blessed with.
With understanding comes, confidence, and enthusiasm, fun, laughter, pleasure, joy, both parent and child benefit, from this exceptional tool that is just out there.

I hope that all made sense, im going to use this as a pitch for my business idea on thursday, so fingers crossed i will articulate it well.

Shame i cant sign it yet!

thinking too much

I just know how to put my foot in it, to say just the right thing to really get someones goat, hit them where it hurts, its like someone pisses me off, and the thing that comes to mind to say, seems to turn out to be really cutting and hurtful, before i have had a chance to think before i say it.

No sooner have the words left my lips, i wish i could reach out and catch them, before they reach the destination, and cram them quickly back into my mouth.

Sometimes i just say things for the sake of it, well, more like not thinking before i speak, i just let what ever rolls through my brain roll from my tongue.

Maybe if i stopped for a second, be one of those people who ponder, or pause before they speak, a bit like the actors of Sunset Beach; someone catches someone else doing something they shouldnt 'oh my god, what are you doing Blake?' and blake looks up all startled and says... nothing just looks surprised and off into the distance, then break to another scene, then return to the Blake scene again after about twenty minutes, and hes still looking off into the distance, before answering ' er nothing, honestly' with his pants round his ankles.

anyway the long pause, i heard once that people who pause more before they reply, and people who tend to have pauses or breaks with words like er while they are talking, unconsciously entice us to listen more attentively as we pay more attention to what is coming next. True Fact

Since hearing that i have noticed that er, it er really makes you er take more er notice.

so, er anyway, i should think before i speak, rather than fill a gap with a noise let it just be quiet for a while, or write it all down before i try and articulate it to someone else.

I asked my mum that i was thinking i might not be doing this for the right reasons, and if it was all going to wrong after feb, and if it was normal to be feeling worried, she said it was, i wonder if she really wishes i was just packing it all in and coming home, that i changed my mind and this isnt what i want,
do i want to hear her say it, or do i want to be out here doing what i am doing.

Why can i not stop thinking not so positive things and thinking its all going to go tits up soon as there is matrimony.

I cant control what is going to happen, thats good because if i could, i would probably go mad worrying if this or that was the right thing to do, in that way i do have control, as i can choose to worry about needless things that i can not do anything about, and just trust and go with the flow, that all is how it should be, and thats its all happening as it should.

Two sides to every story though, and a miriad of paths to choose from, each one having a consequence and pros and cons, and endings, and middles, and circumstances, and conditions, and considerations.

What am i so worried about

1 that i wont be independent anymore
2 that i will get placed on ball and chain?
3 that i will be no good as a wife
4 that billy/me might one day think he has made a mistake
5 commitment
6 getting old
7 growing up
8 learning more about my self
9 being part of a team
10 having to not be selfish
11 being someones someone
12 being happy

ok lets break them down
1 independant, ive not even been that before, i lived with my mum and dad before, and am probably more idependant now than ive ever been

2 the ball and chain, isnt that what a wife is to the hubbie

3 self worth issues, ill make a wonderful wife, im caring, and kind, and thoughtful, and fun, and special, who wanted want me as their wife

4 maybe down the track we might think it was a mistake, but unless i take the chance, how will i ever know- the what might have been would be worse to live with

5 commitment-yep valid comment, commitment is a big step, so only normal that i feel a bit nervous, im sure billy is too

6 getting old, yeah the marriage card does signify that im climbing the ladder of age swiftly

7 growing up, not being able to act like a kid anymore, as kids are more likely on the cards when u have just said i do, almost like the next phase dun dun duuuuun

8 learning more about myself, yes, as being part of a couple means i am faced daily with honesty about myself, my ways that i have to modify and compromise now im no longer single white female.

9 being part of team is something that i should be welcoming, always someone got ya back, always someone to pep you up, my biggest fan, protecting me from my harshest critic, myself, someone who understands me, and can look after and protect me, thats something to be cherised, not worryed about.

10 having to not be selfish, ok i can still be a little bit, it just means that i have to be more accepting of myself and my selfishness, its all good to be selfish, but its also good to practise being selfless too, as i know that this way of acting is beneficial in the grand scheme of things

11 see 9

12 Being HaPPy, why worry about being happy, because, i worry that the happiness i have found, will somehow be taken away from me, at any moment, im trained to think this way, the school of life has taught me to now be very cautious with things that make me happy as its been whipped out from under my nose before, but this only enables me to have the ability to know how to cherish something, a good thing, cherish it, look after it, dont squash it, or squeeze it, be gentle with it, and hoepfully it will stick around.

I suppose what i shouldnt be doing, is taking any of this for granted, i feel better now ive got that off my chest, into tangible reality, disected and released it.

thanks

making new friends

Its weird being away from all my friends, well i say all but i count the proper ones on my hand, and then others are friends of friends, who are friends ,but really someone elses mates, who i now know.

So being out here, ive made a friend, again through another friend , its not the same though, when ure used to having the friends that have been around for ages, and know the friend you are today, i mean you shed a lot of things, i mean im not the same friend i was when i was younger, and probably not the same friend i will be in years to come.

its comfortable, to have friends who have been there through some of the life shaping stuff, they know ure strong, or that you can be relied on in a crisis, or to cheer someone up, or to be asked advice from, i like to have people around me who need me to help,

but im a contridiction as sometimes i dont like to help at all.

Its like i like to help, but on my terms, like i want to help on monday, but tuesday i dont as im going shopping, that doesnt mean i wouldnt give up shopping to help someone out, it just means i have noticed i only like to help when i like to help.

HMMM

i dont sound like a very nice person, but i know i am, ive been alittle bit less than nice int he past, but show me someone who hasnt, example, sometimes, i cant be bothered to help so i pretend im busy, or other times, i will feel putout, if someone didnt ring and ask for help from me, i like to feel needed and wanted, i guess most people do, but i seem to miss it when its not here, i like people to see what im up to today, and to see if i want to do something, and other times, i will ignore my phone if i dnt feel like talking, i knw other people do that too so its not that im so bad, its just im a big contridiction, like there are 2 of me, and depending on whos up first, or whos up latest, depends on who you get at anytime during the day.

Im not perfect, i like to think i am a nice person, who likes to help people and would give up my last rolo, but i also accept that there will be times, when i dont feel like being kind, or dont feel like cooking dinner, or dont feel like coming home from work....

yep, tonight i want to stay at work on my blog, and for some reason, i dont want to help him today, i feel like such a bitch, today im feeling selfish is this the kind of girl he knows he is marrying.

ive recently learned just how selfish i really am, i can take it, but it does surprise me, i didnt know i could be so self centred, or i probabaly did, but either way its being shown to me daily.

I like to think that as i can become more aware with how i feel , i can somehow kick my self in the head and start thinking about others and not ME ME ME ME

as my Mother has often told me "the World Sam, doesnt revolve around you!"

hmmm

Am i ready?

How do you know if your ready to take the plunge,

i mean if your ready, do you still have the thoughts about being ready or not?

is it normal to think it over so much and still think it over, although the date is looming, and you already said yes? i mean my auntie was due to get married to a man, and called it off not long before, i should maybe ask her, but yes, she called it off, moved down south, and met and married her current husband and living happily ever after. It wasn't that quick or that simple, but you know where im going with it.

I think alot anyways, so i know this is normal for me, i dont often think of it, but sometimes, i do, as it all seems so FINAL<

i guess being 12,000 miles away from all i have ever known and thought i would know doesnt help much, i know im a little homesick, but i already know what my life is like back home, and although i didnt have any complaints, life is better out here,

am i getting married just to live in this land of opportunities. Would i die if we couldn't be together,

maybe not as Ive been used to a lot of heartache, so i doubt this would hurt any more than anything else, maybe a bit more, but i know i would get over it..

hmmm I'm confused more now I'm writing it down, as that doesn't sound like someone who knows shes doing the right thing.
I wouldn't just do it, so as not to let anyone down, and i know billy wouldn't want me to get married out of any other reason other than i want to.

why do we take the plunge, why do we hesitate?
i like to think everything happens for a reason, but only sometimes i subscribe to this.
i do believe it, but it seems to abandon me when i need it the most, which is the stronger voice inside, my heart or my mind?
hmm i think the heart is the quieter one of the 2, the soft one, who says not to worry, as it will all work out as it should.
its when i listen to my head I'm in trouble, coz its the head that comes up with all the ifs, buts, maybes, what ifs, how abouts etc etc,

Considerations James would call it, just considerations Sam, thats what he would say.

I am happy to be here, and happy to stay here, but i dont feel all in the mood to plan my wedding, and i dont really feel like its me thats getting married,

like the me tryin on the ebay dress, trying to get a video of me in it.
Aiming the webcam so i can see what it looks like on, or me who's borrowing a veil to see if it goes with said ebay dress, or looking for wedding shoes, or worrying about who can come and who cant come, and worrying where we are going to hold the wedding, and worrying about worrying about it all.

it feels sometimes like its happening to someone else, like its all just going on, and im taking part but its not my wedding, its like its a mates wedding, and im just coming along for the fun.

How can i be sure, who do i talk to?

mates, not sure how to articulate what im thinking, as im a little all over the place, big part of me it feels right to be doing it, but then would we be doing it, if i didnt have to leave, would we live in england together, it doesnt appeal to live in the uk with billy, my wish isnt to live there, does that mean i dont love him enough to be anywhere in the world with him?
im really confused, and unless i sort out my head i can not really move forward,

knowing me i will have changed my mind by tomorrow, and feel totally differant.
right now, im having to question my motives and reasons, and i dont want to look back in 5 years and think i should have put more thought into it,

or can you think too much

ARRRGH given myself a headache

Look what i've found

Scream and shout, Scream and shout, some things i have to be happy about,

1st of all the search is over, i found myself a four leaf clover.

Ive found my baby, the day did come, i found my special, my The Someone.

he stole away and my heart he carried, fell in love now im getting married.

tis like i stood aside and fate stepped in, left me with this silly grin.

I stood aside, and in stepped fate, my heart said yes, but my head said wait, " i know you do things in a hurry, this time its good so dont you worry".

The feelings they were heavy weight, my heart sped up and my eyes dilate, all this and im only 28!

still got my whole life in front of me, i can create what i want to be,

the best thing from this situation, i get to share in my creation.

ive found my soul, they call it mate, this is good, now this is great.

my mind is often full of chatter, and i love to have a natter,

maybe i should listen more, perhaps a little bit less of the latter.

I live in place called Byron Bay, most easterly point, or so they,

you dont choose to live in the Bay, Byron chooses you, or so they say.

The beaches here are second to none,

and the summer time goes on and on,

the winters here are very mild, like the memories of summer when i was a child.

It really is a great place to know,

i can not wait till the time comes to show,

my family my special piece of rainbow.

My mum and dad are coming to see,

who and what means so much to me,

im sure they will love here as much as me,

but i guess ill have to wait and see.

Ive got lots of ideas going round in my head, they come to me too when im in bed,

i like to get them down on paper, so i can come back to them later.

My life here is really good, no stress or worries, feels like it should,

i feel at peace when i am here,

and of course ive got my billy near, i could see me here for many a year.

I feel excited when i think of the future, my fiance and our relationship to nuture, caring for someone other than me, and letting him close and caring as can be.

Im relaxed, and my heart could almost sing, is that love, have you seen MY RING!

i love to look after my husband to be, love taking walks down by the sea,

no where i would rather be,

know hes happy to be stuck with me!

Signing a poem

ive started a brand new course recently,

it takes place two hours north from me,

in a place called Brisbane city, the drive up there is really pretty early i set out, friday morn, early from my slumber, i am torn.

So i miss the morning rush, up so early, all around is hush.

Im learning a second language now,

im learning to sign, so i can know how,

to speak to people differant to me,

unable to hear, imagine how that'd be

learn to communicate with someone who is deaf,

heard of hearing, or not much left.

our ears are utilised countless times a day,

i couldnt live without my ears, would be weird i hear you say,

a person, born into a silent world, experience senses heightend, peaked, and unfurl

to never have had heard a sound, must be a heavenly world abound,

now you might think that statement strange,

implications of hearing, there are a range,

for instance lets say i said to you, something u heard, and it made you stew,

out of shape, maybe get mad and bent, that you heard it wasnt what i meant,

you took it in a differant way, depends on how you "heard" what i did say.

my words were being said in kind, but that was misconstrued, in your mind.

my tone of voice my choice of word, think about it, its quite absurd,

things will be taken in a differant way, when your hearing what i say.

every sound you ever heard, every noise and every word,

is placed in a big recorder, generally stored and not in order.

they will be related to, differant memories, a time or two.

that song reminds u of that place, those words you hear, reminicent of that face.

sometimes your brain can play a game, something similar so its the same,

i say something, and off it goes, down your ears, and behind your nose,

instantly your mind's engaged, are we singing off the same hymn page?

i know what she meant, she was being kind, that voice in your head thats your mind,

or perhaps depending on your mood, you might think i was being rude.

lots and lots of misunderstood words, nouns, adjectives, and then some verbs.

they can all get in the way, sometimes, confused with what we say.

now signing can help with all of that, get your message right, straight off the bat,

get it right, recieved correct everytime,

do this when you learn to sign

i like to be able to hear,

but sometimes i think about what it would be like

Be Happy

Several reasons to be happy reasons why, not to be snappy

reasons why not to feel crappy

when im glum give me a slappy

when i worry i get in a flappy

it would be good for me to chill

just lie back and just be still

i might just make myself ill

if i dont take a chill pill rest assured i surely will

i dont want to push people away

i would like for them, to want me to stay

all the night and the next day

want me not to go away

i want to be the one who comes, and cheers people up from out the glums

the one that people look for cheering up to help them fill there empty cup

to bring a smile with words so wise something like that, or more besides

someone who makes you feel good

the only way that person could

i dislike myself when i am moody

i can be quite bloody rudey nicks got a mum her name is judy

im stopping being so bloody moody :)